The Three Layers of Community
Or, a possible road map out of Lacanian fantasy communities
“Saints cannot exist without a community, as they require, like all of us, nurturance by a people who, while often unfaithful, preserve the habits necessary to learn the story of God.” ― Stanley Hauerwas
In seeking to shape communities around Jesus rather than our fantasy of community, the question inevitably comes up: “How do we know if we are traveling in the right direction?” Meaning: How do we know we are pursuing Beloved Community and not our Lacanian fantasy community? What we need is a map to help us navigate where we are and where we want to go in community.
You see, while asking, “How can we know if we are pursuing our fantasy of community instead of the Jesus-centered community Bonhoeffer describes?” is an insightful question, it may not have a direct solution. To answer we would need to know the indicators of a fantasy community versus Bonhoeffer’s Jesus-centered community, and that is complex. If we judge this purely based on our feelings, we could be misled. People may experience hurt and pain as well as joy and fulfillment in either community, although probably for different reasons. So, to ask, “How can we discern between the two?” is wise but also too simplistic to account for all of the possible contingencies of community. For example, the hurt I feel because someone lovingly confronted my sin may be experienced as pain onto life in one version of community as compared to a pain onto death in the other. Distinguishing between feelings is difficult because there are numerous potential factors at work in any given relationship.
I contend the key concept in discerning community is found in the word “onto” (and what follows it). Onto indicates a starting point, a relationship, and a movement into something else. Onto is a discernment that is positional, relational, and directional. We can discern the type of community we are shaping prayerfully, considering our onto experiences. We discern our movement by naming where we really are (positional), the mutuality we experience with Jesus and others in the community (relational), and where these interactions lead us (directional).
As a community centered on Jesus, our directional aim is toward a life of divine union with God and others, becoming a social witness to the world of what the kingdom might look like. The onto, even though painful, is moving us toward a version of life together in the present kingdom of God. As we are present with God and others, participating in this shared life, we can develop trust that our fantasy of community might be disrupted. We develop faith in changing our onto from self toward Jesus. We find ourselves repenting, literally turning from our fantasy and turning onto the way of Jesus with others.
Rather than creating a list of potential indicators of fantasy versus the Jesus community, I offer a map for journeying into community together. This map has been a helpful tool for conversation with people participating in our church. I refer to it as The Three Layers of Community. (An imperfect title, but easily understood and generates great discussions). A quick caveat: I am writing from the perspective of forming Jesus-centered Christian communities with a distinctly Hauerwasian-shaped ecclesiology. Of course, people can find satisfaction and purpose in communities around other centers (i.e., social issues, gardening, books, etc.) The aim of the communities of Jesus is toward a social witness of the kingdom for the world, and that will make a slight difference in how we describe satisfaction.
The Three Layers of Community
In my city, it seems like everyone is interested in being part of a community. Maybe you see this too? Community is such a buzzword, particularly in light of another possibly overly-referenced idea: the loneliness epidemic. It is fascinating that many strive to be part of multiple communities, yet we are statistically lonelier. Just being in a community is not sufficient for us to have a sense of being with others in a meaningful way. I know that I have developed some relationships with employees at a local coffee shop, and even though I go there weekly, I often feel like we’re all sitting there, all alone and yet all together.
Being in a community, as many might conceive of it, may not be a community onto transformation positionally, relationally, or directionally. It seems that what we call community might have more going on than the word “community” suggests. I submit to you that there is a journey of becoming community that people take through different layers. Not everyone who is together is working through the same layer, and that is why a map for these layers is a helpful tool. The Three Layers of Community are offered as a map. Think of it as a diagnostic tool to help us to name our wants and desires. The Three Layers are Community for My Sake, Community for the Sake of Others, and Community for Jesus’s Sake.
Community for My Sake
We all enter relationships and see the world through a lens. As I described in another essay, these fantasies of community shape our desires for pursuing community. Of course, these desires are not always bad or wrong, but unexamined, we can assume our version of community is the ultimate.
It is worthwhile to lovingly ask ourselves, “Why do I want to be part of a community?” What is my desire or need? And then be honest in your answer. Consider that whatever answer you have as you come into community with others may not be the best way to develop Jesus-centered community, but that is okay. We must begin where we truly are.
I have had many conversations where people tell me how much they love being in community. When asked what that looks like for them, they typically list five or more social groups (communities) they are part of, such as the running club, work friends, a book study, a Bible study, and happy hour meetups. All of these are usually wonderful things. As a committed extrovert, I often find myself slightly envious of all the social activities named. These various communities have one thing in common for my conversation partner: they enjoy all of these activities and want to get as much as they can out of life and relationships. While I lean toward skepticism about how such activity might be more about “keeping up with the Joneses” than pursuing a community of social witness to the kingdom, I am sympathetic to their perspective. In a capitalistic society, we are shaped to believe that happiness and fulfillment come through ever-increasing accumulation and growth. We are the curators and consumers of our communities, and satisfaction can be found in more and more of them. Am I too cynical? Perhaps. However, I have also sat with countless numbers of people who feel unseen, unknown, and uninspired, though they are part of multiple communities. The point is not to convince people that they are on the road to destruction because we can’t know if that is true or not. The point here is to help the person adequately describe their experience of community and what it aims to achieve.
Community for My Sake is not always bad; it is just diagnostic. As a diagnostic, it has become incredibly helpful for our Table Communities as we connect with new people, particularly existing Christians.
When someone wants to participate in one of our communities, we find it helpful to share what we are aiming for (our “onto” for community) and also hear from them. Then we try it out and debrief later. It is not uncommon for a Christian, after a couple of months in one of our communities, to determine it is not for them. Often, what is described as the reason is they want something requiring less intimacy; they desire to show up only when they want to. And while that is certainly available to them in other spaces at The Table, it is not the aim of our Table Communities. Without participation and presence, we never become the social witness of the kingdom we are called to be. Jesus invited the disciples into a shared life of love, saying: “Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35) Even more than our love for one another demonstrating that we are followers of Jesus, in John 17, Jesus prays that our participation in community of God together, would show the world that Jesus is the Messiah (John 17:21). Here’s my point. Developing the kind of love that demonstrates Jesus to the world requires time and participation. How can you learn to wash the feet of those who walk away from you? Our shared life in the love of Jesus requires a kind of unity that disrupts the logic of Community for My Sake.
Of course, desiring Community for My Sake does not mean we have to desire already a deeper layer of community to join in Table Community. Instead, it means we need to place ourselves on the map so we start in reality and name where we are heading. For some, the desire for community is leading them elsewhere, and for others, they want to take steps forward with us.
Community for the Sake of Others
As we begin to sort our disordered desires for community for our own sake, holding onto the good and turning from that which keeps us from walking in the way of Jesus, we often move into another layer of community. This layer is less about curating our preferred community and seeking to learn how to care for others. Perhaps we are convicted of some of our self-centered ways, or we enthusiastically want to love others in such a way that we would be known as a disciple of Jesus. Our motivations may be good and right, and in them, we seek to be in community for the sake of others.
While this direction of moving from self to others is typically healthy (and a great way to discover your “self”), it has some real challenges. What happens when our participation in community for the sake of others is not reciprocated? Or perhaps worse, our participation in love for others in the community is received as hate? In short, what happens when our aim to be an other-centered community of love results in conflict?
I have come to find many conflicts within a community serve as moments of revelation. Our motivation for loving can be revealed, as in, were we loving to be loved in return? Or perhaps our expression of love was culturally specific and not received as love because of differences in cultural assumptions? The causes of conflict are varied and unfortunate. Nevertheless, the revelation can bring clarity.
Unfortunately, Community for the Sake of Others often collapses under the weight of this revelation. Simply put, an other’s-centered love is not inclusive enough for all of our differences. Or perhaps said too plainly, centering the love of others elevates our efforts, experience, and intellect to love in such a way that when we fail, it points to our inadequacies as individuals. Conflict, then, seeks to fragment us into a community of individuals rather than into a shared life together. These conflicts are nuanced, and my description is clunky.
Nevertheless, faced with the reality of our broken ability to actually love one another perfectly, Community for the Sake of Others becomes harder to maintain. Honestly, who wants to press into relationships that continually reveal your failings (this is a trick question), particularly when you can find more personal satisfaction in a community with less intimacy? (I say it’s a trick question because, ironically, for the Christian, pursuing a relationship with others that continually reveals your failings could be half of the description for what we call sanctification.)
In the end, Community for the Sake of Others may result in a deeper sense of relationship. Still, it often does not provide a layer of community deep enough to withstand the realities of relationships. While it is true that the Sake of Others is deeper than for My Sake, neither one positionally, relationally, or directionally will hold together a community of love as a witness to the kingdom. That requires community for a different aim.
Community for Jesus’s Sake
We believe into Community for Jesus’s Sake as we notice the focus of our desires and attention center on the faithfulness to Jesus as Lord. Rather than primarily asking, “What do I want from community?” (Community for My Sake) or even “What might others in my community need from me? (Community for Others’s Sake), we ask, “What might Jesus be teaching me about love through and with these people I am with in community?” The shift is away from focusing on how I create community through my actions to focusing on how Jesus is already inviting us into love.
As Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community,” when our focus shifts to how Jesus is teaching us to love those around us, we are freed up to love the actual people around us, creating the community of love, in love, and for the sake of Jesus.
Community for Jesus’s Sake centers on Jesus knowing that God’s love in Jesus is like a magnet drawing us into the life of God. And as we are drawn to God, we are drawn to one another. The love that draws us together also draws us out into the world. The magnet is drawing us to others and others to God through us. Not all will respond; some may even be repelled, but that does not mean we stop living under the peaceful rule of Jesus. Maybe we learn ways we were unloving or misrepresented Jesus; we are certainly not perfect, far from it. Nevertheless, our success is not measured by how many are drawn in but rather by how faithful we are in our presence, participation, and witness to the love of Jesus.
Consenting to the peaceable reign of King Jesus is not about giving up control–Jesus is not looking to control you. Instead, consenting to King Jesus is about relinquishing our illusion of autonomy, releasing our powerful grip on power, and coming under the loving direction of God through Christ. God will never coerce or manipulate us into subjugation, for that would be inconsistent with God’s character. God invites us to participate in the love of God through the faithfulness of Jesus and by our faithfulness to Jesus. Fidelity to the King frees us to live in love.