Table Fellowship Startup 4 - How to Gather People
How to start from where you're starting
Author note: This is a continuation of a series of “how to” essays on the thinking and practice of forming table fellowships. While the essays do not need to be read in order, it they will reference older ones and make assumption based on each other. So, you may want to read: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 as well.
An empty dining room table has the potential to be filled with people. However, the potential of a full table is not the desired outcome of starting a table fellowship: a table filled with friends is! So what can we do to move from potentiality to actuality?
When I think of potential, I am always reminded of my high school basketball coach’s words, “Potential means you haven’t done s**t yet!” He was not fond of waiting on the possibility a player would one day be good, he wanted to see the results immediately. I used to chuckle at this statement as yet another machismo-chest-thumping quip and a veiled threat to keep us giving it our all on the court. As if to say that fear would be a good motivator for teenage boys to excel. Personally, that stuff never really motivated me as it always seemed to lack the hope I find integral to giving your best efforts on the court as an act of respect and enjoyment for the game and for others. Therefore, when I speak about the potential of an empty dining room table being filled, I do not intend to motivate you out of fear or shame of empty tables or not measuring up. There are zero “Let’s take the hill” speeches in my mind as we consider the motivation for literally and metaphorically setting the table. The act of hospitality, rooted in the incredible welcome of God through Jesus, compels us to extend the welcome and see tables filled. Tables full of people are cause for great joy! Even more, it is thrilling that we are even invited to set the table as the welcome of God!
So we want to have people at this table, and the question is, how do we get them there? I get it, without people, there is no table fellowship. How might you start a table fellowship from scratch? What could we be spending time and energy doing to help find others to join us at the table?
If you have read the previous three essays in this series, you will not be surprised by my saying that how you encourage people to come depends on some contextual factors. First, from where are you starting the new table fellowship? Are you starting as a church plant? A community space? A small group within an existing church? Do you have a group of friends who follow Jesus and want to shape the work with you? There is a huge difference between starting a table fellowship of existing Christians in a church and starting a new gathering in your neighborhood alone. In my experience, there are strengths and challenges either way; it is best to clearly name the reality of where you start and give it a go.
Starting Within a Church
Beginning table fellowships within a church has the benefit of an existing group of people to invite into it to get started. A clear invitation (knowing what you will do) is essential to set the expectations and culture for your new table fellowship. You’ll probably want to be able to describe the who, what, when, where, and why for those you invite. The clearer you are on the expectations and implementing them, the better this experience will be. Sadly, we Christians tend not to drift into creating discipleship environments, so it will take some measure of intentionality to shape a table fellowship.
Another thing to consider is discussing the table fellowship with church leaders so that there is clarity and support. Miscommunication can often lead to division. Most church leaders will encourage and support people desiring to start table fellowships.
Starting Outside a Church
If you are starting from scratch, it is great to be honest about it. When my family moved back to Philadelphia several years ago to start The Table Philadelphia, we had no one else. We intentionally created a rhythm of a weekly table fellowship made up of us. We started where we were with who we had. As we met people in our neighborhood or through our workplace, we built relationships through shared meals, watching sports, going for walks, cleaning our blocks together, and many more relational activities. We often invited people over for dinner or coffee to get to know each other. Inevitably, people would share how much they enjoyed our company or would ask us about why our family serves the neighborhood so much. Many times, we would befriend people on the margins or who were hurting in some way. They would welcome company and friendship. In all of these relationships, we would end up talking about how sharing a meal, discussing the way of Jesus, and praying together is an important part of how our family lives together. And we invite them to consider joining us. Over time, many have.
Whether you begin with others from a church or on your own, you will eventually want to build relationships in your neighborhood to welcome them to a table fellowship. We cannot extend the welcome of God through hospitality if we are not welcoming anyone new into our life with God.
One of the challenges I’ve seen with starting table fellowships within churches is that we start them with full tables and never really welcome anyone new into our fellowship. We set up table fellowships all week long and rarely practice hospitality toward our neighbors. The table fellowship becomes another program of the church for those who already are in the church, rather than a space of discipleship that leads to witness.
One way to monitor this is to emphasize and practice incarnational presence alongside your table fellowship times. Or said another way, if you start with a table fellowship within an existing church, you also want to live as I described for a new table fellowship beginning outside the church. The church (the people of God) exists in multiple spaces, not just the gatherings. Critical to your gathering people for table fellowship will be to live intentionally in all the spaces of life. Church is not just a gathering, but a way of life!
In part five, we will share about those different spaces of life the church inhabits. We call it a Three Circles Ecclesiology based on the work of David Fitch in Faithful Presence. My aim in including this discussion in this series is to demonstrate that table fellowship, apart from a robust practice of missional ecclesiology, will often fail to extend hospitality to neighbors.
What do you think about these gathering suggestions above? I am merely starting the conversation here. Reply in the comments below.