Table Fellowship Startup Part 2: What Do You Do Next?

Or, which comes first, our what or our why?

In the first essay of this startup series, we defined some terms to give a broad view for what I mean by table fellowship and table communities. With those concepts stirring in our heads, what do we do next to see a table community form? Most commonly, enthusiastic leaders think the next step is to determine what they will do when this table community gathers. To some degree, you need to have a plan for what takes place and an activity to invite other people into participating with you.

Over the course of nearly two decades of starting and leading incarnational communities one of the most common questions we are asked is: “What do you do in these gatherings?” It is a good question. However, it’s not the best next question. What happens in a house gathering is important and will be discussed later, it’s just not the next step. What we do should be specific to the context, needs, giftings, and unique cultures of the people involved in table fellowship. So, this brings a bit of a conundrum for those seeking to start something new. The challenge sounds like this: “What do we do so we know what to invite people into and what we do together ought to be contextualized to the unique make-up of the people participating in the house gathering.” 

Just give it to me straight.

It is a bit of a paradox and can lead to frustration and perhaps you’ll stop reading or listening to me right at this point. You might not be the first to do so. Listen, I’ve sat across tables over coffee with many gifted leaders who typically stop me here and say, “Gino, why do you speak so obtusely? Can’t you just tell me what to do and I’ll go do it?”

I am not looking to be obtuse; though I am most assuredly looking to give you pause. The best next step is not to figure out what to do and go do it. No matter how much our conditioning and formation as leaders in the West tends to shape us into believing instructions are all we need, it’s just not true. “Just give me the instructions and I can put the thing together; hand me a map and I’ll find the way.” That isn’t it.

Instructions are good for assembling IKEA furniture and maps help in navigating unfamiliar cities but following the Spirit of God in the formation of a social witness around tables in the neighborhood, is rarely predictable enough to hand someone an instruction manual. And frankly, if someone is offering you that manual, think twice before implementing. Taking what is done in one community and copying it into another isn’t always a good idea. In fact, taking the what of one community and superimposing it onto another group of people, without any contextualized discernment, is not the best way to get started. Believe me, I have been in the place where I wanted to learn some best practices and then take them back to my neighborhood. It is good to see and hear from the experiences of others to stir our imagination for what could be. Yet, the temptation is to make experiences of others the ideal model and try to copy and paste it to our contexts. While perhaps well intended, this is at best lazy and at its worst part of an imperialistic assumption. What’s good practice for one community may not work the same in another community. In an effort to use “best practices,” we may be oblivious to the cultural rhythms around and within us. Asking, “What do you do in a table gathering?" is a good and necessary question, but it is not the best first question. The what question only gives you an example, but it will not be compelling enough to create a flourishing community for the long haul. 

What I mean is that no description of what takes place in a house gathering is compelling enough to hold together a group of people. While what we do together is vitally important, it is not the first step needed in shaping a new community.

Instead, I believe the best first question is, “Why do you gather as a house fellowship?” The why question, discerned as an implication of the in-breaking kingdom of God, has much more sustaining motivation than starting with the what or the how questions. 

What is Your Why for Table Fellowship

Let me encourage you to begin by asking (and answering) the question, “Why do you want to have a table fellowship group?” This is a good place to start. The more honest you are with your answer, and the more curious you become about your answer, the more helpful this question will be. For example, there was a time when I would answer the question, “Why do you want to start a table fellowship?” with, “Because I don’t see anyone else creating these important spaces.” That was my motivation. To my knowledge, it did not exist in our neighborhood, so I was motivated to start gathering people around shared meals and shared lives.

But I ask you, what might happen if I got curious with myself about that answer? Maybe I ask myself the question in reply, “Why is creating a table fellowship when one doesn’t exist so important to me?” Could that kind of curiosity get down to revealing deeper desires? I believe it can.

Please understand, I am not seeking to dismiss or judge the veracity of my initial answer. I believe that was a really true desire. However, many of our desires are not completely ordered. We have disordered desires so the first thing that comes to mind, or seems most meaningful to me, may not be the truest thing about why I want to start a table fellowship (or anything else in my life for that matter).

At The Table Philadelphia, when we disciple and train emerging table community leaders, one of the initial areas we seek to discern is why a new leader wants to lead a table community. This isn’t so much about evaluating their desires but rather aligning their why with what we know to be most sustainable for leadership of these communities.

For example, one of our current table community leaders while she was apprenticing me had repeatedly expressed her desire to share life with a group of people centered on Jesus, a community which cares and serves each other and their neighbors in tangible ways. When I had pressed her on why this was so important to her, she told me, “Because I believe this is what I am called to do and, frankly, I need this in order to follow Jesus and eventually raise a family.” Her why is a compelling one based on a vision of church and following Jesus rather than being attracted to a particular what for the church. Of course, the what is important (and the way she and others lead their table community is compelling!), but it must follows the why.

In summary, the first step in forming a table community around a house fellowship is to consider why you are moved to do so. In my opinion, the what question isn’t nearly as pressing as the why question.

So, I ask you, what is your why for starting a table community? Take some time to consider this. Be curious with yourself by continually asking, “Why?” until you get to a root motivation for seeing a new house fellowship form. Write out your answer and prayerfully consider if this why is a reason compelling enough to sustain you in pursuit of seeing a new community form. 

Read the next part in the series.